I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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