I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it glows. i had to have it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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