Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
