Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
