Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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