I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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