Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need a burrito and a hug.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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