sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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