Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
