Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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