Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
