How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize