I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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