I'm gonna have a badass scar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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