So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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