remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
