One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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