My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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