cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Duck Duck Cougar?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
