I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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