I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
