Hey man sorry I got all grabby
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
