i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
