don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
