I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize