We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm eating all of the evidence.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
