At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
