I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
