How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Help. Why am I so naked?
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