he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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