The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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