Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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