they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize