So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize