tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
