Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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