yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
