This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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