dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
