you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
