He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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