I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
