if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
