I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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