Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
