Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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