In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
