OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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