That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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