so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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