My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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