I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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