Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
