well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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