lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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