Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
