So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
