that's an acceptable place to lick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
