i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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