If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so let's talk penis.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
