dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
