everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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