i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
