you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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