My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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