I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
