his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
