Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
