After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
