Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
