party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
