my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
