for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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