I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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