OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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