The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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