So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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