his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
