At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
