Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize