no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize