distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
