i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
