it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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