your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
