Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
