Kiss
Puke
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
