I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
