I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize