I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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