We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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