Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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