Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
