Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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