We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
